Dec 2nd. Weight 12St6 / 174lbs / something in kilos.
Received a text message from girlfriend.
“2morrow nite, wot abt nice relaxing evening - fancy bj darling?”
A little direct, but hey, she’s from London, women are more assertive there. I held the mobile in my hand, wracking my brains for a suitably suave answer, and how to translate that into txt-language - T-mobile’s accounts department love me and my insistence on writing out words in full.
After half an hour I managed “Yes please”.
“Gr8! Helen & Joanne will b watching 2“, came the instant reply.
Well, she’s never talked about anything like that before, I thought, before the phone vibrated again.
“Oh & Nicole & Tanja r coming 2. Can u book 6 tickets 4 us @ 19:45. SO glad u r coming to cinema instead of playing football with yobs. Means loads 2 me”
Cue actually turning brain on - what could the phrase “fancy bj darling?” actually mean? Was it, as some suggested, a reference to oral-genital intimacy, or as one pointed out “Oh Bridget Jones - it’s not meant to be as good as the first one, is it?”
I fear that she was referring to the 2nd instance and I’d agreed to go instead of playing footie. Normally I play football on Wednesday nights, have a beer afterwards, head home. But this is a cup match on a Friday night. Cup matches on Friday night involve drinking copious amounts of free alcohol with “the boys” after spending the evening turning in perfectly-aimed crosses (no really) from the left wing despite the best attention of the other teams’ fat (they’re always a bit on the chubby side) git at right back who has spent the entire game trying to break my legs.
Oh, which should I choose?
Dubious German Phrase For Today: “Fussball oder Oralverkehr?” - He shoots, he scores!
Song playing as this was published: Primal Scream “Movin’ On Up”
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