I don’t want meaningless, no-strings-attached sex with attractive women.
Now, as you might have guessed, there are a couple of qualifiers to that statement, the most obvious one being that it’s blatantly untrue. So would it be better if I said that whilst I wouldn’t mind meaningless, no-strings-attached sex with attractive women, I’d much rather have meaningful sex with a woman I loved? It might be more truthful, but would already be setting off the bullshit detectors of some women – after all, that’s the kind of thing some guy might say to sound less sordid, without being too corny, with a view to trying to eventually get you into bed for some meaningless sex.
But it gets worse – and for those of you of a gentle disposition, I really do recommend you stop reading now. For me, by far the most exquisite feeling is just to wake up next to the woman you love on a Sunday morning, her body pressed against yours – not in an overtly sexual way, just pushed against you in a physical expression of total trust and security. When she gets up to leave for the bathroom, you notice how the sunlight pierces through the blinds, don’t ask me why this is important, but it is somehow. When she returns, she’ll feel slightly colder and will push back against you in exactly the same position, her back against your stomach, the front of your thighs against the back of hers. You’ll inhale the smell of her hair and wrap your arms around her and wish to freeze time, or at least be able to return to that moment of utter oneness whenever you want. I’m sorry; this really is the most embarrassingly awful tosh. However, I find that moment, far, far more intimate and, yes important, than sex. Of course, it’s not that sex doesn’t matter, after all, one of the reasons you’re snuggled together so tightly on this side of the bed is because the other half is a mess of congealed bodily fluids, peanut butter, kitchen utensils and a pillow-covered wooden chest (God knows why you lifted that up there, it’s bloody heavy, but you seem to remember it having something to do with “angles” or “ankles” or possibly both) from the night before. And if she comes back in to the room and picks up the whisk with that wild glint in her eye, but you can hear the pattering feet of a small child in the house, you’ll decide that “Dick and Dom in Da Bungalow” is perfectly acceptable televisual entertainment for 3 year olds after all, and lock the bedroom door.
It’s a Saturday night and the reason I’ve had time to type this is because the woman for whom I’ve cooked dinner hasn’t bothered to turn up. I could have written something mean and spiteful, I hope something that made you feel nauseous was an acceptable alternative?
German Phrase For Today: “Ich werde mich melden, ehrlich.” - Don’t call me anymore, in fact, leave me the hell alone.
Song playing as this was published: U2 “Spanish Eyes”
Sie hat nichts zu melden.
That you could be stood up and demonstrate so little resentfulness and disappointment speaks fair about your disposition.
As for the awful tosh, you know full well that most people on the planet probably value the same thing (though naturally this heterosexual perversion of yours has to be inwardly translated into a more commonplace and acceptable form by half of your readers), so having it described so accurately — implements included — is kind of nice.
By the way, have you read “The Calligrapher” by Edward Docx? Your description reminded me of the book immediately.
I hope that you’re given a suitable explanation about last night in due course.
Have a good one!
A post like this proves you are English.
“However, I find that moment, far, far more intimate and, yes important, than sex.”
i concur.
and i loved this post; if the woman who stood you up reads this, she’d be kicking herself right now.
sarah: I find that sentence has the commas in all the wrong places and shows that I wrote it off pat, although I’d been thinking about it since I woke up (alone) last Sunday morning with the sun streaming through the blinds….. I’m glad you liked it anyway. Even if when I compare it to what others (including yourself) write I consider myself a barely literate fool.
Maybe it’s better to write some things imperfectly (although I write everything imperfectly), but at the right time?
And as for her kicking herself, I should hope so, the food was wonderful (if I say so myself). And I have enough for the whole week
Stairs: I suppose it resulted in me having an Alfie-like “what’s it all about?” moment. Why do we go to all this trouble? What’s the one moment from your previous relationships that you look back on most fondly and say - that’s why it’s all worth it? Although in the end it WAS a toss-up between what I described and that time I had to bribe the Italian police because we’d committed what I believe translates as “an act of gross public indecency”.
I haven’t read “The Calligrapher” by Edward Docx - I’ve just seen the review at amazon “(the protagonist), Jasper is also a relentless womanizer, a charming cad who lives for love affairs.”
Whilst I would dearly, dearly love to be a charming cad, well just charming would do, I’m afraid I struggle with relentless womaniser. I sometimes suspect that spending the vast majority of my 20s in one relationship has left me a little clueless as far as how the dating rituals of the early-thirtysomethings work.
Awful tosh or not, I thought that was a sweet post. Except for the part about you being stood up. Forget her. She doesn’t kow what’s she’s missing.
Maybe your (non-)date works for a French arms manufacturer and read your last post. Or maybe you should stop adding mint to your homemade Maultaschen. Reagrdless of her occupation and culinary taste, she definitely lacks even the most basic understanding of civility.
Regarding your last post I would like to add that the German chancellor is unfortunately supporting the French on the lifting of the arms embargo. It seems that Mr. Schroeder is willing to sell his country’s soul for a permanent seat on the UN’s security council. In one of the last editions of the Zeit there was a very nice piece on German arms exports. France, the UK, the USA, China, Russia and Germany, they all like to sell military goods to regions of our planet where democracy is in rare supply and the tensions are high. France sold to the Argentinian Junta and Iraq, the US supported megalomaniac leaders in Latin America and Germany peddles equipment to the Saudis. No government likes to discuss this topic because good money and many jobs are involved. As Brecht once said: “Erst kommt das Fressen, dann die Moral.”
And now for something completely different: How did the job interview in London turn out?
Greetings from sunny Berlin,
JCS
Well, as a sappy one myself, I completely understand where you’re coming from—except on the kitchen utensils–haha! More seriously, I think your writing was very sweet and heartfelt (not tosh). I bet many people feel similarly to you but aren’t man (or woman) enough to admit it. Who wouldn’t want honest love and human comfort?
Too bad that so many of today’s women are cynical about men. You are honest and caring, which is what most women want, but, as you said, many will doubt your honesty. Maybe getting to know a woman first and proving your honesty to her in other areas would be a helpful strategy. The moment she believes you mean what you say, she’ll be dying to wake up next to you with the sunlight shining on her. Of course, if she stands up a homecooked meal without any excuse, she doesn’t deserve the honor.
Wow… that was just sweet. And so true for most of us. There was not a bit of “tosh” in the whole post. As for the lady who did not turn up - I suppose she got what she deserved - not a bit of the charming man that you are! Her loss as far as I can see buddy…
Re: the bitch who didn’t show up, in a perverse sort of way, I’m actually rather glad. It means, if nothing else, that the entire non-evnt coaxed a lovely post out of you.
Tosh. I may be colonised, but you really ARE British, non?
In any event, much more tasteful what you’ve posted here than a misogynistic rant. Chin up and all that.
her loss!
I can only agree with AnP. BTW, is it my imagination or is your writing just getting better all the time?
lovely post, but um excuse me- what’s a “tosh”? Sorry you got stood up. I guess it’s bound to happen now and again- even to nice people.
What on earth is wrong with her?
You wrote very well. I love the entry. Very eloquent and it feels honest.
This is the problem with love, you cannot choose who you love. Sometimes, the person you love hurt you. Bitch.
JCS: Let’s stick with consulate worker, okay…. And after reading the Shareholder’s (Rolls Royce) report about engine (aircraft) sales I’m not even going to say “ethical arms trade policy” - oh dear……
Generally: As far as being aggrieved is concerned, I’m more relieved. I worked out exactly what was going on pretty quickly, and afterwards didn’t have to worry about the “no show”. Let’s face it - if I hadn’t heard anything at all, after a while I’d have ended up worrying if she was alright……. And yes I did get a text and phone message (bizarrely, from two different women) confirming my not having to worry……
Hmm, judging from comments, it looks like you may never have to spend a Sunday morning in bed alone again. I had an odd experience with someone I ahem, accompanied home one evening who just wanted to snuggle the next morning and commented how much he liked lying next to me….it reminded him of his girlfriend in new york. So, despite your post, I still suspect most men want the meaningless sex as well.
820: “tosh”, erm “rubbish”, “nonsense” and its use is probably proof that I’m English…….
I always say that my favorite time of day is when QuirkyGuy and I are laying in bed watching TV. It’s for the exact reasons that you just described. Great entry.
In Actual Fact.
What would any self-respecting blogger do when stood up on a date? Blog about it, of course, as In Actual Fact did: Cheap Meaningless Sex. I don’t want meaningless, no-strings-attached sex with attractive women. Now, as you might have
Internet Dating
The Pootergeek takes to his blog to discuss and complain about dating, Englishwomen the of. An extremely wise idea really, certainly worked for this bloke. Although he did damage his back on a trip to Paris. On the train, so
well, im a girl and im at the moment having meaningless sex with someone who is attractive but appears to have the iq of a 5 year old. junk-food sex. i want his body, but im not interested in hearing about his life, correcting his boring comments, walking his dog or any of the rest of it. i can foresee that this will screech to an unpleasant end, but at the moment the sex is still great.
i feel guilty about this, because i know junk food sex is bad for me. but i told his that i wasnt interested in dating. does it make any difference that guys do this “leading on” thing to girls all the time? does everyone feel as conflicted as i do in this position?
i love the morning hug too. man, sex can create such a fake sense of intimacy with a person you are uninterested in otherwise.