Let’s get our facts straight here. Germans are, on the whole, incredibly kind and considerate drivers (stop laughing). And, it’s been documented using not-at-all-dubious standards that females make better drivers than men. They have a somewhat nasty habit of sleeping with their driving instructors when you’re in hospital (note to self – next time buy a car with pedals on both sides – maybe that’s what the girls go for).
So where we? Oh yes, I was cycling down a main village street with a 50km speed limit, it was downhill, and there was no queue of traffic, driving 1.2 cm behind my rear wheel, hoping to either overtake or push me off the road. I reckoned I was pretty close to the speed limit. At the bottom of the street is a weird junction – the main road veers around to the left whilst remaining the main road, whilst two minor roads join the major road as definite subsidiary roads – there are signs everywhere (like the one in the upper right there, stating that the main road has the right of way.
We all know what’s coming next of course; as I was mentally recalculating whether the amount of loose chippings on the road meant that I was going to have problems making the corner at this speed, (I managed) I noticed that the pavement escape route had been blocked off by those ever-so-popular tubular aluminium Instant Impalement™ barriers and that 40 tonnes of Romanian “produce” were rumbling towards me on the other side of the road. Thank heavens then, that road ahead was free. Except, that is, for the woman in the yellow car who had been sitting in one of the side-streets but had suddenly decided to pull out and block the lane. 
There was nowhere for her to go – she flickered a brief smile in my direction and then I slid the wheels sideways under her car – I had no desire to go for the full-on impact and then arc gracefully through the sky above her bonnet. I think I got away with it.
When I sat there, grazed, bruised, bleeding and wondering if my shoulder and elbow had always been set at those particularly strange angles, and as people came running from the bakery and Apotheke to see what had happened, the driver got out– said she hadn’t seen me in my fluorescent yellow jacket and asked if I was okay. Without actually letting me reply, she got back into her car and sped off, leaving me sitting in the road, with an arm that looks like, well, this. (large) I have to say, I find the water retention and disfiguration in the forearm much worse than the scraping at the top.
Yes, it could have been much worse, bearing in mind how clumsy I am, it’s amazing I can ride a bike at all. My bike helmet managed to try (once more) to remove my ears, despite the fact that it didn’t come into contact with anything. I just want to know what they injected me with as a muscle relaxant / pain reliever?
The afternoon has been one (much too short) happy, smiley blur. I think I might have written a lot of e-mails to people that didn’t make much sense though… And I certainly developed a strange fixation with a pattern in a block of cheese….
EDIT: 24 May 2005 I’ve spoken to the police and the culprit about this - a “Konfliktlösungsgespräch“, but it’ll go through legal channels. I’m certainly not going to be all English and write here that I’m fine - I’m not. It hurts like hell and I won’t be working for at least a week. Thanks for the messages here and as you can see - I can type - and I’m sure you can imagine why I have to add this.
German Phrase For Today: “Autokennzeichnen ” - Wrote it down this time, miss Böblingen car driver I have witnesses and will press charges.
Song playing as this was published: Temple Sinai Klezmer Band “Hava Nagilah”
Wow! You are lucky that you are alright. What an Arschloch to hit and run like that. I hope you get it all sorted out.
You were very lucky. (In terms of it having could have been worse, and not as a general comment about the wonders of traffic accidents.) And it sounds like you were wise to slide. Hope they gave you enough of the injection to cover your pain upon waking up.
When exactly were you planning to re-start 2005? And just how big was that mirror you smashed to smithereens?
Nasty!
You are extremely lucky. What a bitch. And I thought riding a hose through the village was pushing the envelope. You signal cars to slow down a bit before passing, and most are considerate enough and understand the reason behind the request, but every once in a while you get the complete idiot who zooms by in his BMW and scares the shit out of the horse.
I think it’s a BMW thing. They should just outlaw them.
Hope you’re feeling better.
I had a similar experience many years ago. Except when I went to the police they told me it was my fault because I hit the car not the other way around - despite the fact that the car pulled right out in front of me when I was at maximum speed approaching the bottom of a hill. But the driver at least didn’t speed off and we came to a financial agreement. That was the States, though, where driving isn’t as logical as over here and where the right-of-way doesn’t appear to count for much if you’re riding a bike.
You look slightly more scraped up than I did, though. Gute Besserung!
It’s totally a BMW thing; not to tar all beamer drivers, but every near miss I’ve had with a wanker driving at speed or recklessly has involved a beamer. Of course, when I was actually hit by a vehicle, it was a red-neck-twat driven Ford truck in the mid-West.
No, you probably didn’t make complete sense to your readers, but it was good considering! I hope the swelling goes down soon.
Hi iaf,
Oh my God! That was a nasty accident. I hope you are fine i.e survived and that’s all the injury you suffered. What a bitch for drivign off. That was not very nice!!!
Get well soon.
Soon,
Nx
Nasty bruise! Sue the witch! And consider 2005 a wash. Or at least the first half. Have a New Years Eve party on June 30th and pretend the first half of the year didn’t happen.
Ouch! Would you call that bruise grape or aubergine?
Jay: What do you mean “grape”, “aubergine”, around these parts where we have REAL men and REAL colours I’d say, er, “mauve, with mint trim”.
ouch!
hope your arm heals soon. and yes, go get that bitch. the least she could have done was made sure that you were alright!
I have a friend just like you in this respect. He spends more time in the hospital because of freak accidents than anyone I’ve ever heard of. If there is an accident tha’t going to happen, you don’t want to be around him. He has had everything from a beautiful 200 year old oak tree fall on his house for no reason, to having a hurricane rip his new home to shreds (with him in it) three weeks after moving in. He does travel to Germany and I’m afraid of what might happen if the two of you are ever in the same place at the same time. Well, at least it will happen on your side of the pond. Hope you feel better soon.
Gute Besserung!
Ouch!
Anyway, I would just like you to know that after seeing that pic, my husband says that I can’t have a bicycle! And I ALMOST had him convinced! Thanks!
Ooooh man, sorry about your wreck! I hope they get that be-yotch.
YIKES! Holy Smokes!!!! And… OUCH!!! Oh, and I can’t believe that bi-otch smiled, hit and run. Good grief!
Well, glad to hear you’re semi-ok, and that you’re at least in one piece. Hope you feel better soon!
I really think that you need to just pack your bags and come to Karachi for the summer. It’ll help you restart your life, trust me. Either that, or move back to London by the end of August, and we’ll go out and get toasted together.
Nail her to the wall!…..If she saw you then buggered off……then that’s well out of order. When she is found try and get compensation for the mental anguish as well physical that you have been through.
Get well soon.
Daaaammm!!
Gute Besserung!
That looks “OUCH!”. I hope you’ll be all ready and set for RAR next week.
wow, that looks awful!!!
hope you get the stupid cow who did this.
get well soon!
hugs.
Gute Besserung! And btw: The “german way” to deal with this situation would be:
1.) Shout at the women, cursing her and using a lot of sewar words
2.) Go immediately to the doctor to document your injury
3.) Sue her for compensation. If your injury is as bad as it looks on the picture you should get enough to buy a nice new bike…
:-)
Maybe the word of the day should be “Fahrerflucht”. In any case you should find out if hiring a lawyer could be beneficial. Since you are - from what I understand - a freelancer, being injured at home will mean a loss of income. Dealing with insurance companies can be tricky, a lawyer might give you much better leverage when asking that you be compensated for your damages (bike, helmet, lost time etc.) The Anwaltskammer in Stuttgart should have a list of lawyers in your area specialised in Verkehrsrecht. With such an expert you should - if hiring a lawyer is necessary - have a much better fighting chance than with a “Wald-und-Wiesen-Anwalt” (non-specialised lawyer).
Get well soon and good luck with surviving German medical treatment,
JCS
You’re a freelancer? Work from home? All this time I imagined you with a white lab coat and goggles, peering over a microscope at your two-headed tadpoles (which are gross by the way.) I feel so cheated and disappointed. You mean your world is NOT like that lab in Gremlins Two?
You do go to the most extraordinary lengths to keep us entertained, don’t you?
I don’t know what to say that isn’t a cliché. But you probably already known exactly the type of thing I would say, so consider it [needlessly] said.
oh my goodness! that is such an icky wound! i hope you are ok! great big hug from way over here in the sunshine state!
i do hope you get her someway. she was wrong to drive off like that.
Green-cross-code, iaf, green-cross-code. Hey, here’s a thought; maybe she was the mother of the two kids that got you last time. “Report my kids to the police, will you? Grrr. I’ll show you”
May I also suggest getting a mode of transport that does not want to kill you; a space hopper should be safe enough. Get well soon, you clumsy muppet.
If I were you, I’d invest in a Harrier jump-jet. Really. I’m sure you can get one on installment from somewhere.
France. They like selling defense items under the table.