About a year or so ago (haven’t ported the post yet) I admitted in a post that I got panic attacks.
I’ve had panic attacks since I was 19 years old. Until I’d had one I thought people who said they had panic attacks were, quite frankly, weak and pathetic. I mean how lame is that? An irrational fear of imminent death, the feeling that you are going to die, choke to death, right now, this instant, that you can’t breath.
I know exactly why it started - I had an accident - I fell through an attic floor and damaged the vein in the inside of my right thigh, nothing serious, I got it fixed at the hospital and was sent home. 3 days later I woke up unable to breathe, well I could breathe, but not enough air was going in to my lungs. I got my parents, who called an emergency doctor, who immediately called for an ambulance - a blood clot had formed in my leg and a piece had broken off and lodged in my lung. I remember the night vividly, I knew about pulmonary embolisms, I was pretty much sure that was it, Me, R.I.P. - I told my dad, in short gasps, well everything a son tells his father when he thinks he’s going to die. I made a lot of decisions that night, I can tell you, and in the space of a couple of hours got a very deep insight into myself and what I did and did not believe in. At the hospital, everything was treated with blood thinning agents and no permanent damage was found (although I did nick myself shaving and bled for 8 hours).
I haven’t had one for over a year, but yesterday and today I’ve found myself sweating, shaking and have just pumped the recommended daily dose of Valium™ down my throat in one go. I never know what sets it off, however in this case I reckon it could well be a delayed reaction to the bike/car incident. But, we’ll never know and I feel fine now (if even more groggy than usual – but hey I have an excuse for spelling mistakes this time).
Lyrics from song playing as this was published:
Roll on blue skies
Roll on gray, just roll away
Come on blue skies, come on gray
Just roll away….
Beth Orton - “How Far”
2nd German Word For Today: “abhängitskeit” – dependence
Panic Attacks are quite scary. And irrational. However, they are real. And they are different in everyone. And they are horrible. I much prefer asthma attacks, as you can carry around your spray and/or pills for that. However I much prefer having neither. Worst, if both happen or one triggers the other.
Get well, stay well, good soul
Imagining your hospital episode was actually quite moving; I can just picture how frightening it must have seemed. I’ve never had a panic attack; the worst I’ve had is palpitations and nausea from stress, but it was pretty much a one off series during an extended period of [relative] emotional hardship, but it made me realise that there are some things about our reactions to the outside that we won’t always be able to control. Ditto, when seeing a friend have a seizure. I guess that all you can do is ride it out and remember, while it’s happening, that it’s only a brief episode, and that the sensations will subside. Hope you’re feeling better by now; take it easy, big guy.
Hey you,
I hope you are feeling better. I am sorry your birthday was not as eventful but I am sure it was enjoyable (please tell me you had a few drinks…)
Thanks for the message you left me. I have been quite busy with the new boy;)
Take care and drop me a line sometime. Do you not have my hotmail address?
Hugs, Nx
My wife used to suffer from episodic panic attacks that scared the beggebers out of me. For no obvious reason, she simply stopped having them. Doesn’t know why they started and she doesn’t know why they stopped. So maybe you’re not condemned to have them forever. Panic attacks do seem to be very common though. I know of at least two other friends who suffer from them so you definitely not alone on this one.
I wrote an intelligent reply here (there’s a first time for everything) and it got wiped. I’m sorry. The best way I can sum it up is to say that those of you who know, know……
i hope that the attack didn’t last long, and that you got a hug from some one today, if not… BIG HUG!
My parents and my brother always wanted a cat so when a friend had to give one away my veto was overruled. A few nights after adopting our new furry friend, I suddenly had trouble breathing. I could clearly feel that my airways were constricted. As it turned out, I am allergic to cats. I am certain it was nothing compared to a blood clot, but it’s pretty scary when you have trouble breathing normally in the middle of the night.
All I can say is given your recent posts, there was a lot going on. Your car being damaged in a hit and run, your bike accident, losing your keys etc. Maybe all these things combined put a bit too much stress on you.
And now for something completely different: Someone you know might be interested in a job offer I saw in last week’s Zeit. The biotech company Miltenyi in Bergisch-Gladbach is looking for a technical writer. I clearly remember the whole text was in English, so excellent knowledge of German and English must be required.
Best regards,
JCS
PS: Spamalot won a Tony for best musical. Who would have guessed?
JCS: Could you put an e-mail on your posts - no one else will see it. THANKS
Oh and I was just on the phone to Bergisch Gladbach - they were amazed to hear an Englishman speak German
Tag mate. You’re it
I have anxiety attacks sometimes. I have no clue where they are coming from and I feel totally stupid sitting in the S-Bahn fearing the next tree crashing into the window killing me. It’s worse when i have my depressed days though. I started a therapy last year but honestly, I don’t like some woman analyzing me and most of the time, I’m fairly normal anyway!
At least, you kinda know where they are coming from…
The closest I’ve come to having a panic attack was when I popped too much thyroxine as part of an ongoing weight-loss project (don’t even ask, it’s a long story). The short version: I’m so sorry you felt like that. Not that it’s much use, but if you’d like me to call you or if you want to call me when you’re having one and are capable of reaching the phone, just do, OK?