Yesterday evening I was (surprise) at a pub. Well okay, actually I was in the biergarten of said pub and was ostensibly there to take part in the pub quiz – it’s a regular Tuesday night experience, just as it’s a regular Tuesday night experience to finish second by one point and argue about that question which has been marked incorrectly. Not in a bad loser, ungentlemanly way you understand, but merely to point out that “the USS Ronald Reagan is a ship, not a boat. No I don’t care if it says ‘boat’ on the answer sheet, it’s a huge, nuclear-powered aircraft carrier for God’s sake. It’s a damn ship if ever there was one, you cretin.” Somewhat surprisingly after my correction, we still weren’t given the point, although we were allowed to share in the prize of a bottle of whisky, which is no good to me, I don’t like the stuff, I wanted the glory, fame, power, legions of followers etc.
Anyway, finishing second (again) in a pub quiz isn’t why this post is entitled “Perverse Behaviour”. That was the result of being approached by an Indian couple and asked to indulge in an activity which I’ve certainly never experienced in Germany before. I’ve read on the internet that there are groups in Germany that meet to do this, but never here, in this area, and despite my keen interest, I’ve never been able to find any like-minded individuals. This evening though I will visit Anil and his wife’s house (they live quite near to me, I learnt) and then we’ll go together, meet his friends and play cricket. Oh joy, oh glorious wonderful joy. The only reaction I got from my quiz team-mates after explaining the reason for my loud display of happiness, and the basic principles of the game was from the American, Greg, “Man, that’s perverse” he said, but it’s not my fault he can’t understand the principle of lbw.
10 p.m. Why oh why did I say I could bowl? I haven’t held a cricket ball in my sweaty palms for over 9 years. And it showed, oh how it showed. Thankfully, I could still use a bat to some degree, but it was all still frightfully embarrassing. I was horrendously, shockingly poor. Never again will I even gently mock Americans for not being able to grasp a few simple rules of a game I can barely play myself anymore.
German Phrase For Today: “Der Ball des linkshändigen Wristspin Bowlers, der nach dem Aufkommen in die entgegengesetzte Richtung wegspringt, als der Batsman es erwartet.” – Chinaman.
Song playing as this was published: SWR3 : Live Stream
Oh you ARE a naughty one, aren’t you! Hope you have fun. I wouldn’t know a cricket bat if it came up and bit me.
You’re sick, you are!
But hey, if you have to get your kicks from standing in a field doing nothing, surrounded by other white-clad cult members doing the same, then so be it.
A cricket bat is like a really big, more substantial, fraternity/sorority paddle. And can be used in similarly perverse ways, not just for cricket.
Bill Bryson has an excellent description on cricket from an australian broadcast in “down under” (in a sunburnt country to our continental cousins) priceless.
Christina: “I wouldn’t know a cricket bat if it came up and bit me.” - I think you should see EasyJetsetter for details, judging by her comment…..
David: Look, I might be part of a small minority with interests that sicken and appal the general populace, but I do enjoy cricket as well.
EasyJetsetter: fraternity/sorority paddles, perverse ways, reading Bill Bryson? I worry about you.
Actually I lent someone my copy of “Down Under” to read on the plane to Australia (of all places) and she left it there, so I can’t go and find the relevant passage, I vaguely remember it, but in a “he’s having a dig at something I enjoy” way.
One of the downsides of living abroad. Its so hard to find people who are interested in the crack of Willow on Leather.
I thought Germans were known for their S&M tendencies? Everyone in Eurotrash when i was a kid who enjoyed the crack of willow on leather was German….
You don’t like whiskey???? Great, now I’ll be depressed all day. I’m not sure how cricket is played but it would surely be more enjoyable after a few shots of a really good scotch (or bourbon).
EU Serf: I’ve managed a few games of baseball over the years here, but never cricket. EJ got the gag about living in Germany, S&M, leather and whacking first, whilst I was playing my first game in about 10 years.
EasyJetsetter: You were allowed to watch Eurotrash as a child? It explains a lot. But you’re right, the “continentals dressing in latex/leather/nappies and hurting one another for sexual pleasure” section was always from Germany…
820: Well, like nice and “nice” there’s “like” and “enjoy”. I certainly won’t refuse a small glass if I’ve won it, but I’m not a great fan. And as for it making cricket more enjoyable - perhaps if one is a spectator it would, but if you’re batting and a hard leather ball is travelling towards your head at a hundred miles an hour…… Yeah, you’re right, the way I played tonight, sobriety wouldn’t make any difference, but at least it would numb the pain.
Speaking as someone who sees the USS Ronald Reagan in the San Diego just about every day, I can confirm it is indeed a ship, and a big one at that.
:-) The important thing is that you got something out of your chance to indulge in your perversion, I suppose. Do you also thing that ‘googlie’ (sp?) sounds like pre-teen language for a scrotum, or is that just me?
Excellant!…you got to play Cricket!….unfortunately most people done understand the rules let alone the subtlies of the glorious game. A long hot summers day, the sound of leather on willow etc….etc
)
And you were right an aircraft carrier is a ship. A boat is a submarine.
( I suppose it could technically be a boat if it was sunk
Nice one on the cricket. Sounds like fun. It’s been an age since I played any cricket.
Back to the boat/ship: if you’re gonna get all semantic on the quizmaster, hadn’t you better make sure you actually spell the name of the ship correctly?
BerlinBear: I’ve changed it, thanks. Proper reply below.
There is a cricket club at my school in Raleigh, NC in the US. They don’t compete with other schools, I don’t think, but I know it’s something you can join through campus rec. I’ve never met any of them. I think if I did meet them, I would probably mock them myself, so feel free to pick on Americans all you like. Why come to a school with healthy basketball and football teams who win a lot and then pursue . . .cricket? Weirdos.
Looks like BlogFly and I live in the same town so why don’t we form our own cricket team and let actualfactual and Co. beat the crap out of us in cricket, then we’ll get revenge in basketball (but not football - NCSU and UNC both suck in that arena)
820 & blogfly you’re both from nc?
I went to chapel hill and we had a rugby team that was made up of a) americans who were failures at football b) british, canadian, australisn foreign students. The team had a house in the woods where mad parties were held - heaven when the drinking age is 21 and the captain keeps vodka in his room for a little 17 year old easyjetsetter like me…
Anyway, the point is, the expat rugby players had all been footballers or sailors or golfers back home, but the minute a brit goes abroad he starts saying “yah” instead of “yes”, playing cricket and rugby, and voting Tory. Am I wrong actual factual? huh?
EasyJetsetter,
Not only do I live in NC, I run a research lab at UNC. It is the most beautiful place on Earth! Every day of my life I take the S shuttle from the 54 park and ride over to the hospitals. This is much more comprehensible to me than trying to take the S-Bahn through Munich!
OK all, I call EasyJetsetter for our cricket team>>>>>>
Sorry, I left the country last July.
And have frightful depth perception and so couldn’t throw, catch or bat. I used to be on a softball team at uni, and mostly did the trashtalking. Not allowed to trashtalk in cricket. It’s not, um, cricket.
I used to take the S bus from Glen Lennox every day…
EasyJetsetter, small world……..
OK All, you can have EasyJetsetter back for your team, it seems Easy can’t see for shit………Oh wait a minute, please don’t go biking with actaulfactual, who knows the number of innocents ya’ll could run over together.
Haddock, BerlinBear: It was great to play, although I wasn’t particulary good…
BerlinBear: Spelling - When he proposed SDI, I always used to write it as “Ray-Gun”… Actually, I must have typed it correctly when I did the wikipedia search just for confirmation that it really is 95 thousand tonnes of metal. I have no idea how my brain works.
Easyjetsetter: “the minute a brit goes abroad he starts saying “yah” instead of “yes”, playing cricket and rugby, and voting Tory. Am I wrong actual factual? huh?”
Actually, I started saying “Ja” instead of “yes”….
Added: And trashtalking is called “sledging”, if trashtalking means what I think it means…
Anyway, what is this, some kind of North Carolina meet-up web site?
820: I’m not sure we want a blind EasyJetsetter on our team, she might be secretly for the North Carolna side.
Actual..too bad, she lives in Europe so therefore she fits on your team best. I promise we would be so terrible at cricket that your entire team could be blind and still beat us.
I am totally unathletic, 820, and therefore have no interest in forming any sort of team. Thanks for the thought though. Easyjet, I thought I liked you but now it seems you have the uppity mark upon you, so perhaps I will reserve judgement a little longer. Actualfact, if you wanted to switch this to a NC meet-up, might I suggest a red and white motif with wolves?
I’m a fan of you, but cannot stand cricket at all. I fell asleep during the World Cup match in Karachi years ago, and my brother to this day considers the greatest waste of his money to be on flying me to London when he went to watch the World Cup finals a few years ago. I just…don’t enjoy it. Imran Khan was unhappy to hear that from me, but I refuse to back down.
Actual, what Blogfly is saying is to choose NCSU wolf-pack red over UNC sky-blue. For a meet-up, sissy blue (sorry- I mean UNC sky blue) would be much better than wolf-pack red. It makes more of a statement. Although probably not the right one to make.
OK, it looks like it’s just me out on the field with a big ass bat ready to kick your eurotrash butts. (where did everyone go? I just hear crickets chirping.)
BlogFly, It’s impolite to discount women until you know how hot they are. We’ve never met Easy before so be nice. (All the sexual politics of a Viking attack….Coupling, Season2, BBC).
Ah, nobody wants me on their team. Feels like I am back at school.
Uppity? Moi? I’m British, but moved to the South, and can clog along with the best of y’all. I judged the state fair cornbread competition one year I’ll have you know, and I know the state toast. Damn right I’m for the north carolina side. I’m a tar heel, and there’s a reason the sky is Carolina blue. You calling God a sissy 820? Huh?
And blogfly, if we’re getting mean, what’s the difference between a pizza and an NCSU grad? The pizza can feed a family of four…
I am currently very hot, it was 95 here today again. And I am afraid I have a guy in Hamburg named Georg. Sorry boys.
Easy, be nice, you don’t know know how hot BlogFly is. Also, only a UNC grad would accuse anyone of being anti God just because they don’t like UNC (sissy) blue. It’s not a very masculine colour, I assure you.
Raleigh: 87 degrees, partly cloudy. Oh and I think we can all agree that we’re not letting anyone from Dook on the team no?
By default, Dook is never, ever invited.
[…] to non-existent over the next few days as I’ll be away. Hopefully the members of the North Carolina Cricket Club will behave themselves relatively well in my absence. German Phrase For T […]