In Actual Fact

“Well, every other case I’ve seen or heard of has been as a result of, erm, ‘intimate contact’ with sheep.” the doctor said, as he wrote out the prescription (this was whilst I was studying in Glasgow and he apparently did get a reasonable number of lonely crofters and shepherds from the west coast of Scotland who would end up having to visit the aforementioned specialist on an occasional visit to the big city).
“It’s a little like scabies.” he continued, which pleased me, ooh, immensely, “Parasites bury into your skin and then lay eggs which hatch. As the population grows, you’ll be able to see the tracks they leave under the skin as they burrow their way around, laying eggs as they go.” I left, with the intention of smearing my entire body with the lotion I’d been given as quickly as possible and quite possibly murdering my flatmate who’d advised me to see a specialist as a precautionary measure.
I shared a flat with 4 others, all male and Scottish. The evening before, ‘Bob’ (considering the principle of anonymity, and bearing the story in mind, I’ll use his real name) had made everyone sit around the kitchen table and, with a grave expression explained that he had the telltale tracks and intense itching “around his upper thighs and well, you know” and perhaps even more foolishly, explained the connection to sheep. Bearing in mind the juvenility of our minds now, never mind then, he did receive, oh let’s just call it, joshing; good-natured humorous quips. His explanation that his girlfriend was studying veterinary medicine, had it on her hands from a practical class and it was possible, though rare, to pass it from human to human did nothing to lessen our sense of mirth.
“Normally, the contact has to be very intimate”, he said, “but the parasites can be transmitted through wet towels, say”.
“Thank God we all use our own towels in the bathroom then.” I pointed out.
“Er, actually, this is why I’m telling you this at all.” ‘Bob’ said “When I have a shower I just grab the towel that’s nearest – you’ll all have to visit a doctor and smother your entire bodies in lotion for a fortnight as a precaution.”
We just stared at him, subconsciously trying to decide whether we wanted to strangle him, but decided against it on the grounds that it would involve physical contact.

German Word For Today: “Jucken” – itch
Song playing as this was published: SWR3 - Live Feed