Dear London Metropolitan Police,
I’ll be using the underground train system of your fair city this coming Sunday afternoon and my mother is a tad worried about the idea. I’ve explained to her that despite the 52 dead from July the 7th, though deplorable, that’s about as many people as are killed in road traffic accidents every four or five days and that doesn’t stop her getting in the G and driving off to Sainsbury’s – and why can’t they get a Land Rover like any normal family?
Anyway, dear London police-people, I’ll be travelling through your jurisdiction and, on behalf of my mother, I’d just like to give you advance warning. I always considered myself “pretty much English”, but as Mr. Anyhoo found out, that category doesn’t exist on your forms. Also, if I look at the facts: at least one of my grandparents was born on the Indian subcontinent, but only because his parents were there suppressing the locals – just the same as you lot are now, but let’s skip over that, shall we? I’ll also be carrying a couple of black bags, have dark hair and a bit of a tan after all this hot weather in Southern Germany. Add on to that the fact that I supported Brazil whilst watching the 2002 World Cup Final (they were playing against Germany. I was in a room full of Germans. In Germany. I’m English. I HAD NO CHOICE), also I’ve been not just white-water rafting at Tryweryn, but canoeing as well (ask them very nicely to open the dam at the head of the river, it’s great, even if I ended up swimming after getting very stuck at about the 8th gate).
Bearing in mind my highly suspicious profile, I thought it only judicious to advise you of my travel plans in advance, and if you feel you must arrest me, I’d like to request that you use one of those tazer thingies. Yes, I’m aware that spending a childhood playing “who can hold on to the electric fence the longest” hasn’t really prepared me adequately for 50,000 volts, but it sounds preferable to all that lead in the brain malarky (they removed it from petrol for a reason you know – it can cause mental retardation, and in today’s knowledge-based economy, I’m struggling as it is, I don’t need any further handicaps).
Anyway, thanks in advance. See you on Sunday.
Cheers!
Hope the Man dont think think your being sarcastic!
)
But seriously DONT wear the Brazil T-shirt.
Incidently my grandfather was born on the Indian subcontinent as well (Burma), but only because his parents were there suppressing the locals there as well (and maybe teaching them to play cricket
Have a good trip to blighty….will you get any chance to see the next test?
Brilliant! AND
Habe eine gute Zeit und Glück!
Haddock: I’ll be off to Scotland until Saturday, I could conceivably watch the last couple of days at Edgbaston - but will the game be over bz Sundaz?
Deck: Danke.
Edit: “bz Sundaz“? Ultimate proof that I’ve been using a German QWERTZ keyboard too long and this one in England is going to slow my typing down a little. God only knows where the umlauts are.
hahaha
Be safe and hurry back to Germany so your mom can stop worrying!
Oh for shame, I didn’t see you on the underground today, and it’s such a small network. Have a good trip. And if not for Haddock’s ancestor’s suppression of the Burmese, I wouldn’t exist. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Stairs: It is tiny isn’t it? I can’t get over how sparse the map looks in comparison to the parisian metro one, and Paris is much much smaller than London. My new flat is fifteen minutes walk from my tube stop. Oh well, I guess living in the third floor instead of the fifth means I’ll lose my primary form of exercise, the walk from the tube will more than make up for it.
Safe trip AF. Make sure you wear shorts and sandals all the time so as not to arouse suspicion as someone in “unseasonable” clothes.
As if a big coat would ever be inappropriate clothing in the UK!
i recommend that you go naked (take and post some pictures of it!) and carry this rucksack:
http://img334.imageshack.us/img334/1533/rucksack5zi5zv.jpg
you’ll be super safe!!