I wrote this post for the old blog, but it’s kind of necessary explanation, if only so people like London Dan know what they’re letting themselves in for.
“Kehrwoche” - “care week” a rough translation maybe, better defined as “The week when the people who live in the same building as you do, actually care that you exist”. They especially care if you don’t clean the communal stairs and sweep the yard and the street in front of the house. Now maybe I’m exaggerating about “you crazy Germans” here, or maybe I just live in Swabia. It’s a tough call, but I’m going with the “live in Swabia” bit for two reasons. 1, I only insult a percentage of the German population that way and 2, to quote from Mil Millington (top man - wonderful hair)
“The Swabians are regarded as ridiculously industrious and punctilious by other Germans. Yeah, by other Germans - just think about that for a moment”.
So, it’s the Swabia thing. Anyway, the point is, Kehrwoche means that everyone who lives in a house (if it contains more than one party) has one week when it’s their turn to tidy up the yard, and generally polish everything until it shines disturbingly. I find it particularly disturbing if I can see my reflection in it, but that’s more to do with the way I look than shininess per se. If there are three families in your building, every third week you get the Kehrwoche sign hung on your doorknob. Thing is, if someone swept the drive last week IT DOESN’T NEED DOING AGAIN!
In Britain I sweep the drive twice a year and people think I have obsessive-compulsive disorder. But it doesn’t work like that - the rules say it has to be done (we’ll get to the rules being followed another day) - and woe betide thee who is not seen to have followed the rule. Of course this makes it important to actually be seen with a brush in your hand - because if you’re not actually seen doing it - who’ll know you actually did it? It’s still clean from last week.
German Word For Today: “Kehrwoche” - Oh just fucking, fuck off! (sorry, it’s my standard reply to everything at the moment).
Song playing as this was published: Rosenstolz - “Was Kann Ich Für Eure Welt?”
Don’t fuck around with them (read: German(s) regardless of Swabian root or not). I was fined €500 by my neighbours (not kidding you) due to my intermittent failures (travelling on business is not a good excuse) to do my turn. Furthermore, (at the time) I didn’t even speak German so I have no idea that they were going through the rubbish container and spotted my garbage which were not properly separated. Talk about being anal.
I became €500 poorer and what a lot of hassle to read those crazy letters.
Call them crazy and don’t feel bad about it. They are:-) In an endearingly annally retnetive way, of course:-))
I had to move in the end - the shame was too much to bear…
I am a bloody foreigner afterall. And a brown one too:-) suspicious indeed:-))
Can’t comment. Still laughing.
We thought we got away from all that by buying a house, BUT our street is too narrow for the street sweeping truck (or whatever it’s called) to fit through, so instead of paying street cleaning taxes, we’re required by law to sweep a 1 metre wide strip of the street in front of our property once a week. Arghh. You can run but you can’t hide.
Nina: I actually share a house with great people, very relaxed and have similar attitudes to me as far as sorting rubbish goes, bless ‘em. Of course, the people who live in the houses around me are mostly completely mad and think of us as dangerous rebels. But they’re reluctant to complain directly to us as everyone in the house has to be referred to as Herr or Frau Doktor and it must be intimidating or something.
Christina: I was sent a list of legal decisions of what one can and can’t do (and Ausnahmefälle) yesterday. It’s unbelievable the amount of energy put into this. The number of people who have gone to court to decide how often one can demand that your neighbour rakes the leaves from his lawn and so on. Your rule about not paying the taxes, but having to swep the street once per week (surely more often than the street sweeper came) is almost certainly because someone took the local authority to court.
Looks like I have a lot to, umm, look forward to. I must make a point of reading through your blog from the start I think, just to make sure I didn’t miss anything!
[…] Kehrwoche […]
I’m from Poland and maybe that’s why you won’t be able to understand me fully, but I’ll try to avoid mistakes. I live in Szczecin that’s near Germany actuely (smth like 150 km to Berlin) and I’m going to german class.So every day I’m speaking this language with people from that country and I’ve quite a lot of fun with that, because they are learning Polish while I’m learning German and they never get the right accent. It’s really funny then… I know a lot of Germany, but I didn’t hear anything about this Kehrwoche till today, this is only in Schwabia or? In the german culture I really like Christmarkt and all the things which are with this connected. I will read all the things that you wrote about Germans! You know whats the worst word in english that I can never pronounce good-Thought!!!