We Anglo-Saxons are often a bit mean to you Germans. We have a tendency to think of you as hyper-efficient automatons, with a bit of a militaristic tendency (okay, so you’ve gone slightly pacifist of late, and the trains don’t run quite as punctually as they used to, but hey, our stereotypes remain). We Brits call you “krauts” and think you have what, for us, is the ultimate failing: no sense of humour, particularly a lack of ability to make fun of yourselves. In order to dispel that final idea once and for all, may I present the Krautfest.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that’s what I said. The Krautfest. A whole weekend of cabbage-related revelry.
I received a special 48-page supplement with my local newspaper today (naturally cut into a cabbage shape and printed with a green, cabbage-leaf background) explaining all the marvellous Krauty things that are going to be going on; the krowning of the Kraut King and Queen and my particular favourite shown in the picture there: the Kraut version of lumberjack games “Who can grate the most cabbage in a minute?” – coming to Eurosport just as soon as they lose the rights for the Monster Truck Racing.
I’m not making this up – I went last year – they do indeed devote a whole weekend to Krautiness. Guess how many cabbages prominent local councillors are equivalent to? - They use a giant set of balance scales with a bunch of cabbages on one side and, no, the joke is too obvious, but you get the idea.
Perhaps most important of all they sell food - sausages mostly (hey this is German stereotype weekend), but of course there are also lots of cabbage-based dishes “including international ones”, which means they have one guy from the Alsace offering choucroute.
You lot really do think I’ve invented all this, don’t you? Well I haven’t. And let me tell you the Germans take their self-deprecating humour very seriously indeed. Oh, and this guy is involved in the organisation. Donations for a plane ticket to get me the hell out of here gratefully accepted.
German Word For Today: “wahnsinnig” - people who tell you, “In many ways, England is a lot like Germany”
Song playing as this was published: Starsailor - “Four To The Floor”
Bist du g’scheit!
How much should one donate? Do you fly low cost, I hope?
Nice new template, by the way, but where have the Krauts’ colours gone??
Liseuse: The top image rotates automatically every few hours - the Krauts’ colours will show up eventually.
I’m not sure about size of donations - any spare brass(ica), really.
Just kidding. I booked a flight for €9,99 incl. tax yesterday from Stuttgart to Manchester for Christmas. Okay, it’s a one-way ticket. I’m still pondering the idea of getting the return.
It’s enough to make your head explode, isn’t it? And people keep asking me why in the world I’d want to live anywhere else.
Fabulous new template. Very easy on my poor old eyes.
Christina: When (an Englishwoman) asked me last year if I was “going to the Krautfest?” I presumed she was talking about some traditional German festival - “Krautfest” is what I call most traditional festivals in Germland. I didn’t think it would really, actually be two days of “Hail the mighty cabbage”.
My southern culture class at UNC exposed me to the wonder that is the Gastonia (or was it spring hope?) North Carolina Pumpkin Festival. Similar in theme and execution, but orange, not green. It is a mostly protestant state after all.
I personally don’t find a Krautfest at all odd…
at least not in comparison to the ‘Lutefisk Days’ celebrated in my hometown in the US, dedicated to dried codfish soaked in lye, complete with king, queen, and eating contest.
Scott: Really?
And here was me with a positive image of Minnesota. On the other hand we do have the “Who can eat the most mutton pies in five minutes competition” at home. Perhaps I should view these things in a more positive light?
But can it really do the self esteem of a young woman (who probably has an eating disorder to start with) any good to be called the cabbage queen?
In a rare moment of charitable feeling towards our hosts, let me say in their defence that they do at least have the Oktoberfest too. I’ve never been to it, and it may well be ghastly, but a celebration of beer hopefully cancels out the disgrace of having a festival devoted to cabbage.
BiB: The thing that struck me was that for years I’ve been hearing other English speakers talking about the “Krautfest”. As a guest here I didn’t find that a particularly nice way to refer to our hosts’ little festivals. But it was the Krautfest.
Incidentally the Oktoberfets is ghastly - I’ve been twice and had to perform emergency first aid on someone on both occasions.
I wonder if the levels of methane in the local environment increase slightly for a day or so after the Krautfest…
David: That would have been one of my thoughts, but allegedly adding lots of caraway seeds cuts down on greenhouse gas emissions.