You know the situation, I’m sure; you’ve known someone a while and are having the “pick a number” conversation, the number being “of previous partners”. There are, of course, many options for reply, all of them guaranteed to get you into some kind of trouble eventually:
1. “None. I’ve been saving myself for you darling.” Except it doesn’t sound so good when you’re 33, and you’re going to end up having to have to explain exactly what you meant when you said after last night’s dismal performance that “this doesn’t usually happen”.
2. “Just one.” Again, at 33, one is almost obliged to follow this up with “Why not come into the other room and I’ll show you my shrine to her.” Previous personal experience has led me to believe that this is just not a good idea.
3. “The maths answer”. Take your age, subtract 16 and divide the answer by two. Again, if you’re 33, take care with this one, otherwise you’ll be having to answer “What do you mean, eight and a half?” Also, tailor the dividing number according to where you met her – if it was in church, divide by 100, if it was a swinger’s club, multiply by 10.
4. Some kind of truth-based answer. Despite the general dislike of truth-based answers I’ve developed as I’ve improved at PR-work, there’s actually some value to this; the trick is to have a retort to the next question which isn’t, “Well, what can I say, I’m a slut. What was your name again?”
Better still, try to weed out some of the weaker candidates on the list, to get the “truth answer” closer to “the maths answer”. So let’s start off by scrubbing that complete nutter from Bridge of Weir off the list – if I could erase the memory of her clutching at my leg as I walked down Sauchiehall Street, screaming something about going to Boots and swallowing paracetemol as other Saturday-night revellers laughed, clapped and cheered, that’d be great too. Also, anyone that was “just part of the rituals of the sect” doesn’t count, neither do people from Yorkshire, Lithuanian Au-Pairs, visiting guest scientists, or girls from the Outer Hebrides who I met in a club, where they were wearing short skirts, knee-high white socks, looking generally gorgeous and insisted on paying for all my drinks before taking me home (actually, let’s keep that last one on the list, and bugger the total number). And there you go, with just a few minor deletions – nine (and a half).
Entirely inspired by thinking about TEFL Smiler’s “Shag Map” (no, it’s in good taste, really) and a completely random, “How are you? Long time, no speak” e-mail I received yesterday.
Obviously, all of the above is a complete fabrication, but I’m sure I’ll find someone eventually.
German Word For Today: “die Wahrheit” - approximately, sort of, near enough
Song playing as this was published: Radiohead - “Electioneering”
I’m over at the “shag map” and feeling quite proud of myself. I seem to have spread my ethnic and cultural exploits over a nice variety of nations….
I’m certainly not ethnocentric.
What were you trying to do with the template? Maybe I can help a bit
Belinda: I think I’ve given enough detail there without goimng into any shag map details just yet.
The template is actually four templates that rotate. This required changing the main wordpress files to call a different template after a certain amount of time. Stupidly, I installed a spam filter at the same time and it just didn’t like it. Also, I haven’t really had the time/patience to sit down and sort it out. And yes, I love your new temlate - I’m very impressed.
Shagtastic mate…..the partner numbers thing. Being vague with no further details is the only way to go.
Haddock: Being open and honest, that’s the answer - oh, and er, getting the name right helps too. I only did it once, but see this scar on my chin…..?
I find you can quickly change the subject by saying something like, “does your sister count?”
Hamish that is just too smooth. I’m not sure I’m cool enough to say that. Maybe if I was actually wearing my running gear at the time….?
never mind the other stuff, is the number 33 a fabrication, too?
Ruth: The number 33 is all too real. Of course, I have to check my birth certificate before I really believe it….
Question:
. Is this just me?
Why is this an issue anyway. I have to admit that no woman besides my current wife has ever asked
- Sparky from
http://heissescheisse.blogspot.com
There are two reaons that a woman asks about previous women:
1) to get to know you better, how you became the wonderful person you are today
2) to hunt down and kill her competitors.
Sparky: Until the restraining order comes through I will defer you to EasyJetsetter’s answer.
Have you seen the movie Clerks?
“I’m 37??!”
The correct answer is “Since i met you i forgot anyone else there might have been”
Never tell the truth, women are insanely jealous over ghosts of shaggies past. Then you’ll start getting the comparison question, or what you did with them that you havne’t done with her and on and on. Keep the skeletons in the closet with a deadbolt.