Right, that’s it. Enough is enough; I’m getting the hell out of here. Germany is a pleasant enough country, I’ll begrudgingly admit, but I’m planning to move back to Blighty. Or at least I think I am until I start reading stories like this:
“What more romantic hero could there be than the bold fireman, unflinching in the face of burning heat, choking smoke and falling debris? The firemen of New York won the admiration and gratitude of a nation on September 11, 2001.”
Yes, yes, the ladies like the fireman outfit, we know.
“But now the firemen of Merseyside have been told not to run, in case they have an accident. It is not just when they are carrying scissors (or perhaps, in their case, hatchets and cutting equipment). No, they must not run while doing circuit training in their own fire stations. This is all because one fireman slipped on some unseen dust, hurt his knee and won £200,000 damages and costs.”
Now I’m not really going to say anything about it being Scousers here, but I mean what? No running? But what about that cardiovascular workout that we keep hearing about being so important; how are these brave men going to achieve a positive work/life/low cholesterol/high fibre/tight perm/moustache balance if they can’t go for a jog in their legally-obtained shell suits?
I mean isn’t this meant to be a job where one’s meant to be fit, where there might be a bit of danger involved? I go running - I realise that I might fall over and hurt myself, although so far I’ve managed to keep a keen eye out for any of this dangerous “dust” stuff and have avoided serious injury. Quite frankly I’m not sure I want to live in a country where the firemen amble slowly and cautiously to their engines when I dial 999 to say I’m trapped on the top floor of a burning building.
Song playing as this was published: The Jam - “Town Called Malice”
Admittedly, men who move slower in uniform are just THAT much sexier.
Really? I’ll have to remembr that for my next routine….
And what exactly is the proper perm/mustache ratio? I assert that there can NEVER be such a thing.
It sounds like Germany is becoming as litigious as the US. Everyone in the US is sue-happy. Any way to make a quick buck! In America, we have silly warning labels on products because everyone wants to sue. Here are some examples:
1. A label on a bottle of drain cleaner which reads: “If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.”
2. A label on a snow sled for children which warns: “Beware: sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.”
3. A label on a 12-inch rack for storing compact disks which reads: “Do not use as a ladder.”
4. A five-inch brass fishing lure with a three-pronged hook on the end which warns: “Harmful if swallowed.”
5. A smoke detector which warns: “Do not use the Silence Feature in emergency situations. It will not extinguish a fire.”
Sandy: The proper perm/mustache ratio is still a matter of intense debate. On de one hand dere’s de Bootle skewl, like, an den dere’s de tired scouser stereotype school that everyone trots out as if they’re all benefit claimant fraudsters / hubcap thieves with silly hair school…
James: Those are great, especially the “if you cannot read….” Unfortunately the story was from England…..
This post made me laugh out loud. Only in the UK could this happen.
I like your blog. I feel the same way sometimes about living overseas, don’t know how I would cope with going back though.
:)
Scousers, shell suits, perms and mustaches - Coming from a Devon coastal town I’d say the scouser sterotype that you mentioned is true!
If you don’t agree I’ll see ya outside!
Anne: Thanks for the compliment. And no, I have no idea how I’d cope if I moved back to the UK.
Haddock: What is it about people from Devon coastal towns and supporting Spurs? Is it compulsory?
As for “see ya outside!” I believe that’s my cue to say “calm down, calm down!”
Yay, Spurs.
Of course it’s compulsory!
Devonboy - are you north, mid or south? - I’m a North Devon yokel.
This is making me laugh. Usually I just have trouble translating the German on this site(I’m your basic midwesterner from ugly america). But what the heck is a scouser, a shell suit or skewl? Are the Spurs a rugby or soccer team? (NOT basketball right?)
Were I any more northern, I would be welsh.
Spurs-football team, although if they did play basketball, they would still be better than Newcastle.
Devonboy - so you know Capstone then. Think we are from the same town matey!
Ah yes! The Sunspot too. There’s something chillingly significant about this town, something dark.
……..and it’s going to get get darker. I return for the seasons festivities later this week.