I am, it would appear, a wanker.
This is not an act of confession by a man finally admitting why his eyesight has deteriorated from pre-pubescent perfect vision to its current state of short-sightedness (that is exactly what happened, but it’s purely freak coincidence), but passing on the wisdom of others to you. Bizarrely, no one in Germany ever noticed. Bearing in mind how keen people were to inform me about most aspects of my life there, I can’t believe they wouldn’t have mentioned it if they’d known. People in London don’t comment about it. In this part of England however, everyone seems to be able to spot it. I’m starting to think that something about my manner of dress or speech gives it away; I approached a gentleman in his mid-40s in a supermarket car park to explain that one of his brake lights wasn’t working; “What’s it got to do with you, you stuck-up wanker?” he asked me - and I decided not to explain that it had made tail-gating him to said car park more difficult than was strictly necessary.
If it was an isolated incident I wouldn’t mind so much, but it occurs so regularly that it has taken on an air of normality, whether it be groups of feral children shouting abuse as I’m out running, skinheads coming out of the pub or van drivers shouting apparently not so randomly out of their windows as they pass by.
It’s all very strange and, much as I’d like to joke about it, the message to the returning ex-pat is only that there’s a significant minority of people here who are yobbish louts, casually aggressive with an air that “violence” is top of their list of hobbies who just weren’t visible in Germany. I’d love to say that I’m not comparing like with like; that I only ever lived with and mixed with nice, middle class people in Germany and I’m currently living on a sink estate, but this is a “much sought-after, tranquil location,” as a different class of wanker would say and the “feral children” were wearing the school uniform of one of the best schools in the county. As they were obviously bunking off (it was two in the afternoon and they were sitting under a canal bridge drinking cans of Stella Artois) I suspected they weren’t necessarily educational over-achievers, but I did wonder what kind of short, pimply 14 year-olds would threaten a guy who’s a good 6’2” and wearing a “Tae Kwon-Do National Championships” t-shirt?
Short, pimply 14 year-olds who are drunk and carrying knives, apparently.
German Word For Today: “Skins, Hools, Faschos” - My new neighbours
Song playing as this was published: Tori Amos “A Sorta Fairytale”
teenaged children TERRIFY me. Sadly I am serious.
I avoid them. Particularly if they have congregated in any fashion.That is when they are most dangerous.
Hi again!
Absolutely agree. It was the group of schoolkids who were most menacing - I was half a mile from any roads or buildings and they scared the bejeezus out of me. Being at the end of a 10 mile run and knowing that I didn’t have the energy to sprint away from them (the ultimate fighting technique) didn’t help either.
Teenage children terrify me as well and the worst part is I’ve got one living in my house.
Glad to see you back.
Hey IAF…..you sound thrilled to be “home”. Sorry to hear it’s all been a bit strange for you. I think that’s what I liked so much about moving so often. When you move to a different place you expect to be different and to have some sort of cultural adjustment.
It’s the going home and realising how much they’ve changed without you there that’s odd.
A mate of mine has just returned from a few weeks back in blighty and he reports pretty much the same. It seems that the Sun readers have won. He said the air of hostility/aggresion/violence was commonplace. He blamed it on Murdoch (Sun newspapers/sky TV). He may have a point. It probably has helped dumb down Britain. It confirms my thoughts of its nice to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there anymore
Good to see you’re back and posting again!
I also find teenagers generally more threatening here in Britain than I’ve ever found them in Germany, and I was used to the teenage and not-so-teenage-anymore skinheads on the tram back home (apparently the area three stops down the line was very fashionable for them). Over here, school uniform or no school uniform doesn’t seem to make much of a difference; if there’s a bunch of teenagers, I try to stay well clear of them.
Christina: Ah, but it’s a German (okay, okay, mostly German
) teenager.
Belinda: I’m aware that I’ve changed and I was expecting some things to have changed in the UK, it’s the switch from the early 90’s when I lived in Glasgow, which, though wonderful, definetly has rough areas and never experiencing any significant problems, to today when I feel unsafe in the suburbs and countryside (but not say, central London).
Haddock: I’m not sure if it’s the Sun, I’m not sure if it’s all of Britain - but the idea of actions having consequences seems to have diminished. The idea that breaking the law is wrong and you’ll be punished seems almost laughable - unless it’s a motoring offence and you actually have a licence and insurance.
Stefan: …and glad to have you back commenting. When I said best school, it wasn’t a reference to the uniforms. I meant in terms of academic performance tables and the fact that people pay higher housing costs and move to the area specifically so that their children fall into the catchment area and can attend. The idea was that if children from a “good” school in a “nice” area were like that how would the equivalent children from “bad” schools in dodgy areas be?
Of course one of the reasons that consequence has become divorced from wrongdoing is because the current tax/subsidy system incentivises doing little.
Also, going nuts on enforcement on lots of little stupid laws just to raise revenues (speeding cameras, etc) means that people think “well, they’re going to penalise me as a criminal anyway, I’ve already overstepped that boundary in their eyes, why not go further?” And it’s not necessarily criminal activity that’s the problem in the UK: it’s just a low-level, background agressiveness.
It’s rare the person that stabs someone with death with a knife, but it’s the permissibility, or coolness of carrying one that means that that nutso has a knife to hand when they get angry.
Oh my God! [rise-falling intonation; I’ve just come back from (British)English pronunciation class]
I know I should express worry, but it’s your fault for being so funny: ich muss lachen!
Yeah, that’s what I read it as, my own reference to school uniforms was just a bit ill-formed. Meant to say that it didn’t seem to matter if such “little angels” are wearing their school uniforms (and are, theoretically, identifyable to some extent - or was that just what we learnt in year 5 English classes in school?) or not.
Oops, sorry Stefan, although it’s the only school for miles around, even if they weren’t wearing uniform, it would be pretty easy to guess where they should be….
Liseuse: Okay, easy pronunciation guide: relatively neutral “wan” followed by the emphasised, almost plosive “kah” Use hand gestures for emphasis at football matches/in DIY stores/as appropriate.
I think the lovely, old-fashioned, grey-haired, very UK Ms H. might faint if I practiced the word you suggest
Buy a big sword or ax, and let it be known you like using it to hit people on weekends, also keep practicingthe scowl.
I’ve decided that the aggression is a hangover from the Eighties. In other words, it’s all Thatcher’s fault. The nasty brats now are the offspring of parents who were brought up with the attitudes of greed from that time. Those attitudes have shaped how many have brought up their own children. Well, it’s my new theory, and I’m sticking with it!
David: Weren’t we brought up during the Eighties? Perhaps my “Coal Not Dole” badge was a shield?
Still time to produce nasty little brats!
(Erm, my theory may need some work around the edges…)
David: If she can be blamed for Wayne Rooney’s foot injury, we can implicate her in anything.
Makes sense!