Remember how once I might, possibly, indirectly, have inadvertently given the impression that Virgin Railways were really, really great in comparison with Deutsche Bahn? Let me just clarify my position on that one….
Of all the rail companies in Britain, Virgin used to be the absolute worst. Calling them shit would have been insulting to the fecalist of fecal matter. They were, as we said in 1995, ‘utter pants.’
They have been getting much better though, and, as a way of proving it, broke the speed record for the time taken for a passenger train from Glasgow to London last Friday. Under 4 hours. Impressive. Having taken a different Virgin train to London last Friday, which was late by longer than the entire journey was meant to take, I can only assume that Virgin cleared the entire West Coast Main Line in order to do that record attempt. I was however, offered a free* beverage** of my choice***, as recompense for the delay.
So. Virgin Railways. When they get it right they’re affordable, modern, quite good indeed. When they get it wrong, they do fuck up. Utterly.
At least for the return journey this morning I had a 1st class ticket. It was quite pleasant, sitting there in the Manchester-bound train, listening to the other 1st class passengers (God knows where they were going) talk about “Social Justice and Rectifying Inequality” whilst the 2nd class (or, “the most vulnerable members of our society” as they’re now called) passengers were kept well away from us by two burly/armed(?) policemen. I can only presume there was some sort of junior transport minister on board, because the food was superb and the train reached its destination early.
* “The free beverages are finished, but you could buy a Virgin Cola.”
** We call them “drinks” in English.
*** “Well, it was just coffee actually, but as I said, we’ve run out, mate.”
German Phrase For Today: “Jungfraubahn” - Virgin Railways
Song playing as this was published: KT Tunstall (Yes, I know) - “Another Place To Fall”
Did they give you a 1st class ticket for the delayed trip or did you buy that on your own?
I recently succeeded in convincing Lufthansa that my time was too valuable to bring a damaged suitcase to the store for repair. First the luaggage handlers rip off a perfectly sewn-in name tag, then Lufthansa expects me to spend three hours to get it fixed. Ridiculous. After some negotiations they agreed to pick it up and deliver it when it was fixed. Thank you.
Have a drink at a posh London hotel bar and then send Virgin Rail the bill, I say. You could write them a nice little letter accompanying the tab.
No justice, no peace.
How to upstage an entire post:
(Yes, I know)
And I know that song by heart, due brother’s ex-flatmate’s ex-girlfriend’s irritating and truncated taste in music, but then this is also the girl who accused me of cheating in Trivial Pursuit (all because I knew where I’d seen YKK), simply because I was thrashing the whiny, yet piercingly loud*, oven-destroying one (it burst into flames; it was electric), so perhaps the fury inherent in the lines isn’t all purely Tunstallwards.
*American, spoke to her family daily, occasionally by phone.
But I’m struggling to bring this back to either virgins or trains, so I’ll just give up.
BTW, it’s not a proper delay unless you get through 3 engines, manage to build a card house on the table, and only narrowly avoid blocking pretty much every line south of Birmingham New Street. Although that was on a school trip back when it was British Rail. But we too where offered a free beverage of our choice, as long as it was Cherry Coke.
Anyhoo, I’m devastated. I’m (yup - that dirty word) - American. I’m not loud or exceedingly obnoxious and I only occasionally urinated in public (although an earlier post alluded to actual factual actually being arrested for that so it’s not strictly an arrogant US thing). I’m guessing you’re confusing us exceedingly refined, cultured , handsome, modest and quiet Southerners with our heathen brothers to the north, also known as Yankees. I think I was 15 before I figured out that damn Yankee wasn’t one word. Either that or you are too used to the traveling American who is only matched in class by the travelling German.
I didn’t say all Americans were like this (just those I’ve met*). I don’t think it was necessarily the American aspect which grated, at least as much as her ability to think endless diatribes on the pain caused by the nodules on her vocal cords should be run with CNN regularity and under the “speak unto nation” part of the BBC’s motto. She was a rolling news channel on a slow news day.
I’m not sure whether anyone ever dared suggest that perhaps her vocal cords might not be so stressed if only she’d stopping shouting the whole goddamn time. She even cheered when playing Trivial Pursuit, and not in a sarky “woo!” way: full on “wahoo”s and “yay USA”s. Thank God both she and the boyfriend were useless so cheering options were minimal.
I can still hear her voice, and am only moderately sure I’m imagining it.
*Not quite true.
And once again I’ve managed to wander away from trains.
So what were you doing in London, IAF?
Some of us can be shy and sensitive also. We usually barbeque them and serve them up as “pulled pork” platters to traveling tourist (which, coincidentally is the same fate of the loud and obnoxious ones) But, if you really need a fix of whiney American, I’ll be happy to let my ex give you a call, actually, she is German but adapted our culture better that most natives.
Man, if I weren’t about to be getting married I would be booking my first class ticket on that train of virgins!
Now Belinda, while men’s obsession with virgins (or, in a slightly different translation, raisins) is a mystery to me, I am completely boggled as to why a woman would want a male virgin. Could someone explain one or the other?
JCS: I already had the 1st class return and was using a ticket that technically was out of date since Sep 11th so I kept very quiet… But normally, Fight The Power, and so on…
Anyhoo: Although I used to select a fitting song on iTunes just as I was about to press “publish” I now just let “play random” come up with whatever’s there. I did have to edit it to point out that “IT’S ON RANDOM, IT’S NOT MY FAULT” this time though. And obviously I was in London to eat pulled pork and watch children play softball in the park. Mumbles something about not actually going to the Goethe Institut as planned….
820: This is an American Friendly Blog. At least it’s a blog that likes friendly Americans (but not over-friendly, screechy ones). Although we try to disregard nationality and concentrate upon the individual here (a bit like “I respect the Office of the President of the United States”), we actually have a soft spot for America(ns). Even the other ones in the War of Northern Aggression (we believe that’s the current politically correct term). We dislike British tourists when on holiday and try to pass ourselves off as German whilst being obnoxious abroad. We really dislike people who refer to themselves in the plural.
INOAP: In my case it’s a hope that they’ll have no other reference point with which to compare my own seduction techniques. See also: “No, no, it’s meant to look like that”, “Those studies about average length are completely untrue.” and “17 seconds is quite a long time, actually.”
You have a copy; it is your fault.
And what is pulled pork? I’m going to be having Miss Piggy based nightmares.
Anyhoo: Yes. But, but… hangs head in shame. I don’t know how the Tunstall woman got on there…. And I think pulled pork is a little like shredded crab for people who only have pigs…..
DB have been quite good lately, or perhaps I am becoming more accomodating of late (must be my medication).
Glad to see that I am not the only one who pretends to be German when Brit tourists are about. But I’m afraid the term pulled pork sounds like a veiled referrence to masturbation…….but I could be wrong!
Pulled pork is a method of cooking that produces a very tender meat that “shreds” as it is removed, by hand, from the pig and then immersed in barbeque sauce. I must admit that I am not a native of North Carolina but they do seem to take their pork very, very seriously.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pulled_pork