I blame Channel 4. Well, I blame mid-80s Channel 4 with its remit to provide minority programming specifically designed to cause Mary Whitehouse’s head to explode. We couldn’t get Channel 4 at my house, but my best friend Matthew on the other side of the valley could and I’d often cycle over there and we’d try to find some of the ‘disgusting filth’ that was on offer. There never was any, of course – it was all “My Beautiful Laundrette” and other such unfathomable, arty nonsense – if we wanted disgusting filth we’d get the Police Academy video out.
What was on Channel 4 though, were weird sports that none of the other channels wanted, in particular the Tour de France and American Football. As a weedy kid who was forced to play rugby at school, as full back, of all things, I loved the idea of American Football: A helmet, full body armour, forward passing and, best of all, apparently innocuous injuries that could end your career and mean you’d never have to play again.
There must be a whole generation of Britons out there who understand the rules of American football, know that Superbowl XIX was Dan Marino vs. Joe Montana, but gave up following the sport when it was bought by Sky and it actually cost money to watch. Now that I have access to Monday night football again, I can’t tell you how disorientating it’s been to find out that it’s now the Oakland Raiders (okay, once more the Oakland Raiders) and St. Louis Rams. As for the Tennessee Titans, well, the less said the better, quite frankly…
Of course, some people like Mark Holland were seduced by the lure of continental Europeans in lycra. And, judging by the letters to my local newspaper are, even now, still involved in dangerous cycling copy-cat antics. I bet some of them even shave their legs…
I’ve been considering writing absurd parodies of letters to the local newspaper for some time now, but I’m not sure I could outdo, “some cyclists in a race overtook some other cyclists, it’s a disgrace!”
Song playing as this was published: Mudhoney - “It Is Us”
I wish I’d kept it - in a local Copenhagen paper a few years ago there was a letter from someone who lived on the most well-known street for prostitutes. At the time there were suddenly a number of Brazilian prostitutes in town. I knew this because a group of three of them approached me one night when I was stumbling home - boy, were they barking up the wrong tree! Anyway, this reader’s letter was basically an open complaint: she wished to complain about there being a group of black women outside her flat. That’s right: their status as prostitutes was never mentioned. Besides, she must have been used to prostitutes. The letter could have been a parody of itself, had it not been for the social and political context it was written in.
David: The paper is part of Daily Mail and General trust plc and it positions itself pretty much accordingly; It’s like the Daily Mail, but a little more parochial, slightly more conservative and with greater emphasis on small town, traditional English life.
I can’t decide if the letters page is hilarious or scary. Your Copenhagen lady’s letter would fit in perfectly, except that we don’t actually have any, you know, darkies here. What letters there are range from the absurd (only the UKIP can guarantee suffragettes didn’t die in vain), to the thoroughly banal to the utterly disturbing, usually written by someone with a moniker such as Voice Of Common Sense (Name and address supplied).
I’ve been tempted to send in a couple of parodies of the more seriously deranged style, just to see what the newspaper was actually prepared to print in the name of ‘family values’, but I’m scared to think of the results….
Re the Somerfield/Kwik Save ‘banal’ link in your comment: Are you quite sure you’re not reading Viz?
My Beautiful Laundrette most certainly WAS disgusting filth, what with those homer-set-su-als everywhere.
David: See? It’s already being parodied.
Sin: I have to admit to never having seen more than 10 minutes of My Beautiful Laundrette (far too complex for my young mind), although I have read ‘Love In A Blue Time’ by Kureishi. I wanted to mention Someone and Rosie Get Laid, but couldn’t think of its full name, just that ‘that bloke from Fine Young Cannibals’ was in it….
you mean Tennessee has a football team…and St Louis? Holy crap. I also suspect that there might be a NC team because I keep seeing a picture of a panther with a helmet on. Oh well.
Houston is in Tennessee, isn’t it? I mean they don’t let football teams move from State to State, surely? That kind of thing would never be allowed to happen in Britain, with ‘real’ football.
At least the Minnessota Vikings are still not allowed to win the Superbowl, so some things are still sacred…..
Are you sure the thing from Ivy Twigg (Mrs) isn’t a joke? Because it’s bloody funny. It might be quite heartening to think that there’s someone else in the area who is filling the paper with hoaxes. One thing I missed while living in London were the ‘Cow not dead’ stories.
Anyhoo: Well, with all the other clippings posted here, I’ve removed the name of the sender to protect the ‘innocent’. I don’t know if leaving that one is in any way telling….
Sorry for “lurking” earlier. Didn’t realize that I had become anonymous. And no Houston is not in Tennessee, it is in ….Oh damn where is my map.
820: There’s nothing like a lurker to brighten things up… And anyway, I get to see where you’re posting from. Yes, yes I know there’s a big advert up saying “STOP THE DATABASE STATE!” but I’m merely collecting records to, er, enhance your visiting experience, yes, that’s it. And for your own safety and security - remember if you’ve done nothing wrong, you have nothing to worry about, or something.
As for Tennessee, I think the thing that got me wasn’t that the Houston Oilers had disappeared and that the Tennessee Titans had taken their place, but that they were technically the same team.
weird sports reminded me of those german relay games that would be telecast on DD1 and DD2 when i was growing up… they wouldn’t even bother with translations!
“those weird German relay games” - they showed weird German stuff on TV here too when I was growing up, but it was always on way after my bedtime and/or my parents wouldn’t let me watch that kind of depravity.