The interview appears to be going well. Okay, as it’s with a woman and as my ability to tell what they’re really thinking is as close to non-existent as makes no difference, I can’t really be sure. But I think it’s going well. I trust I’ve managed to appear ‘confident, but not over-confident’. Of course, this just means that I haven’t stammered too much or said, “I’m bloody brilliant, I am.” at least, not as far as I can remember.
“So.” She says, moving the conversation on, “With reference to your academic career, you (rustles papers) won a prize and a scholarship for scoring 100% in your university finals examinations?”
I’m never quite sure how to play this one. I obviously want to state that I am bloody brilliant, yet with enough modesty so as not to appear a smug git, but not so much as to overly downplay one of the few stellar points on my c.v. I go, perhaps foolishly as it’s a job interview, for the honest answer: “Well, yes I did win the prize and the scholarship, but I only scored 100% in one part of the finals - on a particular topic. And, without wanting to be falsely modest, I was incredibly fortunate in that a subject area came up which I’d spent the previous summer getting lots of practical, hands-on experience with. I was very lucky.”
“And what area was that, the one that you know so much about, that you have so much hands-on experience of?”
“Vulvas.”
“Vulvas?”
“Yes, vulvas.” I repeat, then, remembering that she’s neither a scientist nor a native speaker of English, proceed to spell it out; “V.U.L.V.A. You know? As a model of cell-…”
“I’m quite aware of what you’re talking about!” She interrupts brusquely. And, despite my attempts to return to the subject and explain about the vulvas of very small worms during the 30 seconds in which she rapidly wraps up the interview, I’m not sure that I really do get my point across.
Apparently, they only contact successful candidates. I’m beginning to suspect that the letter containing my job offer has been lost in the post.
Song playing as this was published: Altered Images - “I Could Be Happy”
Right. Off north of the border for the weekend now. Enjoy yours, and think of me as I’m being chased down Sauchiehall Street by a rampaging mob…..
The worst interview I ever had was with a large (unnamed) biotech company in Seattle. I was shuffled between 6 interviewers and it was crystal clear that they had all been required to memorize the same idiotic book about how to hire the right person. It was a bit unnerving to hear the exact same questions being asked by different people at different times of the day. I felt like I was being tested if I would “change my story” as to what kind of candy bar I enjoyed the most. Corporations can be down-right stupid in how they function sometimes. Although your story, well that seems more than a bit funny.
I’m praying for the day that I get the job interview in which the word “vulva” is appropriate.
Priceless.
You spent a summer with worms? I trust the vet sorted you out?
Well, would you want to work for an organisation that only contacts successful candidates? That’s quite appalling - someone should show them how to send an e-mail. Or at the very least provide a date, as in ‘if you’ve heard nothing from us by this date, then you can forget about it’.
Hmm. I’m going to be looking at worms a lot differently from now on.
TOo funny!
:-)
Dr. Skinner, at your cervix!
Streets: That is, quite possibly, the worst pun ever perpetrated on this website (and that’s saying something).
Belinda: Personally I think use of the word “vulva” should be made mandatory at job interviews.
David: Actually, they did get in contact pretty quickly (and pretty negatively), but at the moment approximately a third of firms aren’t responding after an initial interview. I don’t just think that’s impolite, it’s downright weird.
Ryan: I don’t know about priceless, but it might have been somewhat costly.
Oh buggery vulva fuck. I was in Glasgow too this weekend. Mind you, I didn’t have a spare, family-free sec, but we could have had fun pretending we’d meet…
Nice tale, as ever, by the way.
test
another test
yet another
such a funny entry