There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to talk about cricket in general right now, and another part that doesn’t ever really want to be the kind of person that just drops things like, “I had the pleasure of having dinner in the long room at Lord’s last weekend.” into the conversation.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to have dinner in the long room at Lord’s, or better yet, lunch. During a test match. Whilst England are thrashing Australia. Although that’s probably not going to happen for a while (do you know how long the waiting list for the requisite stripy tie is?) so I’m going to have to make do with, “I had the pleasure of having dinner in the long room at Lord’s last weekend.” And it was a pleasure – the food was very, very good – as was the company, more NCCC than MCC, but polite enough not to talk about the latest score. Of the hundred or so guests I’m not sure how many actually were cricket fans. Okay, I do; it was the five of us frantically trying to unlock every door and window to be able to stride down the steps, imaginary bat in hand, as if to walk out for England fulfilling a childhood fantasy (admittedly in the dark, at 10 pm, before being firmly but politely asked to leave). If I ever go again I’m taking a set of lock picks.
I did, however, manage to work out what’s what wrong with English cricket. Despite there being copious amounts of champagne and very pleasant wine, the kind of man who’d just scored (at least in his head) a double century to single-handedly win the Ashes for England would want a real drink to slake his thirst. I strode over to the bar to ask which beers they had.
“We only have Foster’s at the moment, Sir.” Was the reply.
No wonder the Australians keep beating our cricketers – they’ve been poisoning them!
Song playing as this was published: SWR3 : Live Stream
Pissy lager lout that I am, even I can’t stomach Fosters! I believe it was originally an English beer before being sent to Australia, obviously for committing a crime of taste. God knows how it wormed its way back!
By the way, for the true experience of living ‘back there’, you’re not actually allowed to visit the capital and do interesting things. You’re breaking the rules!
Ah, these are the pleasant side effects of wallowing in my glamourous slipstream.
David: Whilst I’ve considered that it might be better if I didn’t have the release valve of going to the capital and doing things I enjoy - I might work much harder to get out of ‘here’ - there’s always the possibility I might then get really desperate and end up replying to one of those ‘Teach English In China/South Korea/Iceland’ adverts.
INOAP: Er, yes, of course….
I’m trying not to mention the cricket at the moment. The Aussies are tonking us!…….Dining in the long room at Lords is very, very impressive!
You listen to SWR3? I like you more with each post!
Haddock: Very flash indeed…. That’s why I needed the £10 shoes from Elephant & Castle shopping centre. I’m trying not to think how much I’ve paid Sky for the privelege of watching it….
Nicolette: Well obviously I need to know about the traffic conditions on the A81 Richtung Heilbronn…. And I really like Phil Collins & Tina Turner….