Ingredients
1. Large handful of my parents
1. Visitor from foreign lands, staying with a friend of said parents, who is cooking a traditional ‘native’ meal for a small group as a farewell and ‘thank you.’
Multiple bottles wine
0. People fluent in the language of guest
Many people consider this the ‘default’ recipe for misunderstanding. However, when dealing with guests from Spain with a somewhat limited English vocabulary, true connoisseurs may want to add my mother’s favourite compliment when taking second helpings that the food is “very more-ish.”
Apparently, if food isn’t thrown immediately, it’s best to get my mother to repeatedly explain ‘No, no dear – more-ish - I actually like it!’ to the agitated guest.
Add comments of ‘bloody excitable foreigners’ as required.
God, I wish this was just a very, very, very bad pun….
Song playing as this was published: Dar Williams - “Farewell To The Old Me”
That is bloody funny. I take it your mother is not a diplomat?
Who says the Rotary Club is dull, eh?
And I can think of many words for my mother, but ‘diplomat’ isn’t one of them. She didn’t make the connection of what could be wrong at all, but the reaction did reinforce her stereotypes about “Latin types.” That said, sometimes when she explains to people that the first dog she owned was a chocolate Labrador called ‘Nigger’ à la ‘The Dambusters‘ I’m sure she’s being deliberately offensive. Not every time, but….
Been there, done that….I still cringe at the tought of how many very nice and polite families that have invited me into their homes for a friendly meal with the foreigner. It usually quickly degrades into misunderstandings, dour looks and hurt feelings.
Sorry, I’m being dim. What’s the problem? Moreish sounding like Moorish? But would a Spaniard mind that? Or is there some more obvious gaffe I’m being too dim to see? Please explain to a poor old dear.
820: Never had that problem 820.That said, I’m English, cultivated, refined and stuff - if I said anything distateful at dinner in a foreign language, it was obviously a mistake and no one would take offence. You, on the other hand, are a brash, loud, arrogant (etc.) American…. God, I love crude stereotypes when they work in my favour.
BiB: Apparently that was the problem, Bib. From what I can gather they’d been talking about Spain being invaded by North African migrant workers - quoting liberally from the Daily Mail, no doubt - and look, I don’t know how the conversation actually played out, I was merely given a perhaps one-sided view when I chauffeured them home.
Bite me…….Is that loud and arrogant enough? Really, the time that comes to mind is a particular meal that I thought I was very clear in saying that I DO NOT speak spanish. After that, every invite, meal and diner guest was……
I’m curious to know what type of food was thrown, and if it hit any targets. Also, were there apologies in the offing for throwing food? Oh, to be a fly on the wall in that kind of situation…
820: ‘Is that loud and arrogant enough?’ Well, it’s a start. Although I keep hearing disquieting rumours that you Southern gentlemen are actually quite well-mannered.
David: I’ve seen my mother ‘in action’ before where we were the guests at someone’s home. Thankfully our hostess on that occasion was extraordinarily gracious, but I really was shocked, ashamed etc. I dread to think what actually happened.
It’s true that we are highly educated, extravagantly cultured and extremely well versed in the finer ways of life. We just choose to willfully ignore our heritage and act like damn idiots most of the time. You know, kind of like the English at soccer matches.
Those are specially bred Englishmen, designed to lull the world into believing the English have become degenerate, inbred louts with all the eloquence of a cows bottom.
Devonboy, I find it fascinating how every news camera in the world is pre-programmed to record the person with the lowest IQ. Whenever we have a tornado or hurricane, there is no doubt who will be interviewed - and replayed over and over again. I guess stupid people are more interesting. We see lots of English soccer fans on TV here.
820: These people are called journalists. I presume they put them on CNN, Fox etc. as some kind of care in the community programme. I mean, Geraldo? What else could he do?
And as for English “soccer” fans, do you mean people like Ron Atkinson; ‘If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half time, it was concentration and focus.’ or Paul Gascoigne; ‘I never predict anything, and I never will.’?
820. I guess stupid people are more interesting This is absolutely ture, especially when adopting a vacant expression and drooling on the S-Bahn. Is this not so Mr Fact?.
Devonboy: It always got us a place to sit and / or a slap from Devongirl, didn?t it?
good result either way