Christian parents! Worried that your children might be downloading illegal mp3s? Don’t worry, they won’t go to hell for it, unless, that is, some of the bands are ‘fags’ – because “God Hates Fags!” Apparently. Tip DK and a very bizarre google search hit.
Thankfully, the Ministry of Christian Light, Tolerance, Peace and loving your fellow man (just not like that) has produced a list of “Gay Bands.” So if your child is listening to, say, the Scissor Sisters and you’re worried that the band members might not all be entirely heterosexual, you can check and then pray for forgiveness.
I have to admit to being shocked. Shocked! To learn that the Scissor Sisters were on the list, but not only that, so were the Village People, Pet Shop Boys, Melissa Etheridge and kd lang. Lord! How could I possibly have known?
Obviously, all I can possibly do to repent is to burn the majority of my CD collection, and learn more about sex in Christ. Especially “Masturbating for the glory of God” and “Threesomes (Within A Christian Marriage)”(Both women involved in the threesome must be willing to keep within traditional female roles (i.e., not taking on masculine appearance or behavior in or out of the bedroom) and recognize the male as the leader in the relationship.)
Being serious for a moment. How does one actually tell if “Love God’s Way” is a spoof site (if “The bottom line - you shouldn’t be gay!” isn’t deliberate innuendo, then I don’t know what is) or further evidence of America’s slide towards Protestant theocracy?
Song playing as this was published: Ani DiFranco - “Both Hands” (I know, I know, I’m doomed).
Tolerant christians……..no there is a thought!…..I was surpised to see Motorhead on the list of Gay Bands. I’d like to see the clergy bring that one up with Lemmy!
And as for “Masturbating for the glory of God” - Praise the Lord! and I’m off for a wank!
And on the safe bands list:
Cyndi Lauper
While I have no knowledge of her sexual orientation [insert “ew” noise here], is she really what every farm boy in Arkansas should be listening to? Or even every girl? (But then these people think fossils are just there to test us). Just think of Billy-Bob, John-Joe and Randy practising their dance routine while miming to Girls just want to have fun.
Wikipedia also notes she appeared in the American Queer as Folk, presumably to reclaim the words ‘queer’, ‘as’ and ‘folk’ from the Madonna worshippers.
And why is the safe list a third the length of the outcast-unclean one?
As for the CHOPS logo… the butch, macho, JPGesque, muscle-Mary logo…
Of course one could point out that homosexual people are already ordinary people and so the magical transformation offered isn’t really one. But that would be unsporting. And the guy running it won’t have any emotionally vulnerable lads coming over to cry on his shoulder any more.
But the thing which concerns me most about that site is this - shouldn’t it be “Love God‘s Way”? Bloody illiterate fundamentalists.
Anyhoo, on the CHOPS page, definitely is written definately, and in capitals, to prove the point. Is that site a piss-take? And he calls Oscar Wilde his compatriot.
By the way, I’ve seen safe-performer Cyndi Lauper play at Heaven in London, but I didn’t take a survey afterwards, unfortunately, to check how many of the queens present had gone straight.
Haddock: You just fail to see ‘that side’ of Lemmy, that’s all…. What are those sideburns for, if not to give something to hold on to?
Anyhoo: Now, let’s be polite about ‘Billy-Bob, John-Joe and Randy’ if only because they have guns. As a better reason: for all that I like say Richard Dawkins, his ad hominem attacks on George W. Bush and ‘Red Staters’ detract from perhaps more important arguments about evolution.
Anyhoo and BiB: The thing was I saw it and thought, “yes, well, it’s repulsive, but I’ve seen worse and I like the fact that Morrissey is labelled as ‘questionable’ - although I don’t think they mean it in the same way that I do.” Then I thought “it’s a spoof!” But how does one tell? Really? And if it is a spoof, is it an area where parody actually has any value?
Ahh, so according to this site Evanescence is okay for children to listen to… hm, what about this then: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/4088757.stm
Maybe someone should tell him/them/her?
But the references to Wilde describe him as “reformed homosexual” (presumably another Bernard Matthews product) and the writer goes on to link Ted Haggard with those words to prove the point.
But wasn’t Haggard the… oh. And isn’t the first blog entry dated after Haggard’s thing? So… ok, perhaps the happy man with the moustache and the pink shirt is mocking people who think like that. But would the people who see it get it, or will it become just another reinforcing layer?
Regardless of all this I still haven’t figured out why George Michael is described as Texan (just below the tongue touching men pictures).
At least it’s still safe to listen to Little Richard.
Nicolette: Yes, but those are just words, it’s not like she’s promoting whoopsiness. The singer might get up to some pretty sordid and deviant acts, but, as far as I know, only in my fevered (and quite vivid) imagination.
daggi: Ah yes, but Little Richard has denounced the evils of his past and chosen the one true path. Or became a 7th Day Adventist, at least. I can’t imagine that listening to Tutti Frutti is really the way of the righteous, though.
Anyhoo: Surely it’s only important that as Haggard and Wilde are reformed, it’s sort of kind of evidence that They can be “cured”.
Reformed? Cured? What’s the next synonym: oak smoked?
I hadn’t seen it as evidence of the possibility, but that’s probably because I automatically append “yeah right” to any such claims of reformation. This Haggard man - just how many times can he declared himself fixed? Even allowing for the highly dubious effectiveness of a such a process, his re-emergence rate suggests it’s a case of three hail Marys/three weeks in rehab. Or maybe he sings safe band covers like Oops I did it again [I played with a man, got lost in the game, oh Lordy, Lordy].
Sorry, my annoyance with the whole thing is creeping out and sounding like it’s aimed at you.
A hug for the other thing (but as my mother would say, indeed, has so comfortingly said, don’t worry, they wouldn’t have wanted you anyway).
Do try to remember to have some fun (said he sounding like mothers are supposed to).
Anyhoo: Spit roasted?
And you’re offerring me a hug? As we’ve all learnt, the road to hell is paved with well-meaning hugs. Shame on you! Shame! And more so for those lyrics.
And I’ll see your mother’s quote and raise you a “Well, if your grandparents were still alive, I’m sure they’d understand.”
My personal favourite from my parents has always been “I don’t understand why you don’t just walk into the offices of [enter name of massive international PR firm which does nothing related to what I want to do] and ask for a job. People love that kind of initiative” Closely followed by “you should get a job at ASDA, it would teach you to smile, look people in the eye and make conversation”.
this can’t be for real!!
amazing find though; i love how he’s quoting Oscar Wilde. either this guy has a really strange, ironic sense of humour or he’s a complete nutjob.
serious reaction to zithromax…
news…
Well you should obviously check all of your music against my iTunes library. If there’s a correlation high enough, your music is homosexually skewed and you’re going to Hell. Forever. To burn.