I know, I know, I should just put the Want Your Willy To Grow? e-mails straight in the bin - the answer’s obvious anyway - just look at the alluring woman/man/farmyard animal/kitchen utensil/whatever takes your fancy and voila! NB: This method works better as a male teenager than later in life. However, (one of) the mails I received last night was obviously not written by a native speaker of the Queen’s English or someone in any way familiar with male genitalia, and I feel that translating it is providing a public service.
From: Noel Edmonds [headline@cdac.state.co.us]
Subject: She’ll love you more than any other guy!!!
Sent: Tue 17/07/2007 23:46With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will bulge like a soccer ball.
What can I say? Noel Edmonds offerring me the opportunity to have a penis that bulges like a soccer ball? It needs a translation!
She’ll love you more than any other guy = They’ll be talking about that one in the Emergency Room for years. Not only that, they’ll put photographs in textbooks and med students around the world will be either laughing their heads off or saying “ooh!”, whilst unconsciously crossing their legs when they check out page 556 of the ‘Big Medical Book Of Pictures Of Deformations, Mutilations And Injury That’s Definetly Serious Research And Not Entertainment’ for decades to come. If you’re really lucky, you might even get to be on one of those “Oddly Enough” news reports and become a minor celebrity.
Anyway, they’re only $12 so what do you say, deal or….?
Song playing as this was published:Editors: Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors
‘kitchen utensil’??? guess my gran was right - men are strange creatures.
Well that explains Mr Blobby, must have been a volunteer for the early test trials of this wonder drug/procedure, or?
“Apparently, you can drive a man crazy by nibbling on his earlobes for hours.
- I think it’s nuts.”
Rhineblaze: Ah, but I bet she owned a whisk and knew how to use it…..
Devonboy: I’d never made the connection, but it’s obvious - and he was kind of pink with yellow spots (which is completely normal), too!
The Streets: That’s innuendo, isn’t it? (I’m learning slowly).
“I bought my girlfriend a cheap and easy vegetarian cookbook. Because not only is she a vegetarian …”