In Actual Fact…

There really is nothing like driving along the M74 somewhere vaguely near Lockerbie at 2 am and having the fuel distributor computer decide it’s going to shut off the engine. Especially if there’s a car 18 inches behind you doing 100 (or so) mph (not that I’d ever drive 30 mph above the speed limit just to compete with some arse in a souped-up Renault Clio…. No sir.

….Remember to turn your mobile phone off at night, or you’ll be woken by a text message offering you 900 Rupees per month off your phone bill at 4:30 in the morning.

That is all. I’m going back to bed now to catch up on sleep.

Blatantly pulled from the boing boing feed, the new USAF motto: “Über alles” - okay, they have a point and the F22 is very, very nice. But there should be a slogan-maker looking for a new job, oder?

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new entrant in the ‘most pathetic marketing blurb’ competition of 2008!

This one has the makings of a true winner and is going to prove hard to beat - not only because it’s from California, the home of the weird - but also that it has a swathe of strange, but somehow exotically European vowels in the company name: Jāsön - not quite up there with Häagen-Dazs, but not really quite as tasty, either, despite the promise of rosewater goodness.

Of course, the way that the word “organic” is used to market products, one could almost think that anthing “non-organic” i.e. 30% of the contents of this shampoo, was evil, toxic filth. Thank goodness they probably just mean H20, the shampoo’s largest single constituent ingredient.

Song playing as this was published: Goldfrapp : Little Bird

After being away from Britain for some time, remembering only warm summer days, lazing, drinking fresh lemonade whilst watching cricket, it may come as a surprise to learn that “as a result of climate change*” it now rains in Britain. And sometimes there’s even stormy weather.

Obviously, it was not always thus: one need only look at the antiquated graphics that the BBC’s weather department use which still insist upon showing Britain as a desert or listen to the tones of incredulity as forecasters predict that it will be turning colder next week and “there might even be some snow over the Scottish Highlands” to realise that this is a new state of affairs.

Thankfully it will soon be April and then there’ll be a hosepipe ban because of the impending drought. But if you ever move back to the UK - you might be surprised that the advice is: “Bring a brolly.”

* Nowadays, everything is a result of climate change: “Scientists have said that average temperatures being lower in January than in June is a result of climate change.”

Song playing as this was published: The Wannadies : You And Me Song

…That was what the e-mail said: that 3 years ago today, I registered the domain name inactualfact.com - and have been posting random mutterings here (with increasing intervals between them) since then.

Of course, lots has happened since then, mostly that I now find it ridiculously difficult to find decent bread.

Added: Yes, yes, the observant amonst you (so both readers) will have noticed that the archives go back to January 2004, but that, as they say, is a different story.

Song playing as this was published: Scouting For Girls : It’s Not About You